A holiday recipe for you and yours: Grilled HOA served Sutherland Style!

This is the time of year for family, friends and celebratory feasts - so I thought it would be nice to share a recipe I recently stumbled across in my pantry - Grilled HOA served Sutherland Style .  It's a holiday recipe that is sure to keep you and your family in control of an association’s board for a millennia. Yum!

Note:  This recipe serves: 2
Ingredients:

• 1 spouse
• 1 large bowl of contempt for the poor, hapless homeowners who need you to save them from themselves
• 1 sharp knife (in case anyone’s getting out of line)
• ¾ Cup of nothing better to do
• 1 large ego
• A pinch of delusion (just enough to where you think you are doing everyone a favor)
• 1 Cup each of Plans B and C (in case anyone finds out about what you’ve been up to in the kitchen)!
• 1 Investment tax credit incentive (but any other incentive you have lying about will do ;-)
• A functional egg timer (so you know when your time is up)

Okay, let’s get started!

1. Lay all the Members of the association out on a platter and butter them up real well (if any won’t stay on the platter, just cut those ones off and discard or discredit) (Continued...)
   
2. Put them in a 350 degree oven just long enough to get elected to the Board once.  Once is all it takes - and you don’t want to burn too many of your Members because you will need at least some of them later - so don’t leave them in the oven any longer than necessary.
3. Remember, a lot of what most people consider ‘good food’ is really just good presentation – so put on your best apron and run around the kitchen looking busy.  Feel free to toss in some homemade baloney that you claim to have crawled into the dumpster to get – your guests will be so impressed!
4. Set the Members aside for 20 minutes – it’s time to work on the Spouse.  Don’t be afraid to be firm. And leave the apron on – that age-old chef’s trick won’t work with this recipe!  Braise them until they stick to the story, then garnish with Arrogance and Pompous and put them in the refrigerator until you need them in a year or so.
5. Continue looking busy and doing as you please – just remember to throw a bone to the gem that’s really doing all of the heavy lifting in the kitchen!
6. This next step is very important, so pay attention – move the Members to a large pressure cooker and close the lid firmly.  If any Members start boiling over before you can snap the lid into place, just throw them back in the oven until they stop – it shouldn’t take long.
7. Smile! Now it’s time to earn your keep in the kitchen (or at least lower your tax bill ;-)  Open the refrigerator and move the fresh Developer from the crisper drawer and gently place them on the counter.  Be careful not to bruise the Developer – and they bruise easily - so remember to always wear kid-gloves when handling. Now, butter them up, too.
8. Repeat Step 5, above.
9. Take the Spouse out of the refrigerator.
10. Take the lid off your members (who should be pretty soft by now) and mix in with Spouse until all members settle to the bottom of the pot and only the Spouse is on top.  You may need to add in a little Proxy to taste (real or imitation, it makes no difference).
11. Repeat Step 5, above.
12. Check on the Developer to see if any profitable opportunities are starting to bubble up to the surface!
13. You’re almost done! Spread some salacious stories over some fresh slices of anyone that gets in your way.
14. Pour yourself a glass of wine and mingle with your guests (don’t forget to mention how hard you have been slaving away in the kitchen for them).
15. Return to the kitchen and repeat Step 5, above.
16. Put Members on one serving platter and Spouse and Developer on another self-serving platter and serve with browned – but not cooked – books (you don’t want to accidentally serve up a dish that over-powers the favor of the Developer).
17. Your Board is done - enjoy! *You may discard any left-over Spouse if you wish.

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